Archive for September, 2010

 In keeping with my previous marraige post, this was another post I wanted to share with you. It comes from Justin and Trisha Davis at Refine Our Marraige.  Sometimes a subject totally ignored, but God DOES come first before sex in marraige…….enjoy!

-Tom

A lot of couples have communication problems. Their conversations center around schedules or kids or “how was work?” They have a difficult time talking with one another. When they were dating, they’d stay up late and talk and laugh and dream, but now they only talk when they fight. We had communication issues.

There are so many couples that have problems in their marriage because of finances. They’ve mismanaged their money. They’ve put themselves in debt. They’ve made irresponsible decisions. Sometimes it has nothing to do with bad decisions and everything to do with a small salary and a growing family. We had so many problems in our marriage that revolved around money…not enough of it…accumulating debt…not being on the same page. Lots of problems.

Some couples have priority issues. They fail to prioritize one another. They have no problem working their schedule around business meetings and girls night out and fantasy football and Saturday morning soccer and dinner with friends and PTO meetings…but they fail to prioritize their most important earthy relationship…their spouse. We blew it in this area. We gave so many people, so many events, so many expectations priority over the other.

We talk to couples that have difficulty resolving conflict. They argue about the same things week after week, month after month, year after year. One spouse is passive aggressive while the other is a hot head and loses their temper. One spouse is aggressive and chases while the other is an avoider and tries to sweep issues under the carpet. We did a horrible job at resolving conflict.

A lot of couples have intimacy issues. Sex is infrequent. The withholding of sex is used as punishment. Husbands pursue their wives only when they want sex. Sex is seen only as a physical act and not an emotional and spiritual gift. We had so many arguments that revolved around our lack of understanding of one another in the area of intimacy.

Even with all of these issues, they weren’t the source of our marital problems. They probably aren’t the source of yours either.

More than communication; more than finances; more than priorities; more than conflict resolution; even more than sex:

Your relationship with God will affect your relationship with your spouse more than ANYTHING else.

You can try to communicate better…for a while. You can try to not argue about money and debt and who’s paying what bill..for a while. You can do your best to make your wife a priority…for a while. You can read a self-help book on conflict resolution and argue more effectively…for a while. You can overcome your sexual frustrations…for a while.

What we have realized in our own life is that when our personal relationship with God is sucking wind…so does our marriage. We have spent so much time and energy trying to fix all of these things in our marriage…when more than anything else, our relationship with God sets the tone and direction for every single area of our marriage.

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A normal marraige? Not for me!

Posted: September 6, 2010 in Uncategorized

I was catching up on a couple of my favorite Pastor blogs this evening and couldn’t resist passing this along to those who read my blog posts. Many of you who know me, know that a just a few short years ago, my wife and I finally allowed God to take our marraige and make it His design, instead of our own.

It’s been nothing short of supernatural, and we always take the opportunity to share our story. With that said, I couldn’t resist sending David Foster’s post today concerning “normal” marriages….and what today’s normal truly looks like.

-Tom

I think “normal” is way overrated when you understand that most people you meet have settled for a life far below what they could have.

This is never more true than when you think about marriage.  Normal marriage in America means the following:

  • Miserable and stuck, but not sure why.
  • Hardly talking, except to argue.
  • Crushing debt, with no plan to get out.
  • Little sex, and even the little they have is not fulfilling.
  • Temptation to stray, flirting with strangers.
  • Stress at work, brought home.
  • Stress at home, brought to work.
  • A mild displeasure with life, but not enough energy to do anything about it.

So I don’t want “normal” for my marriage.  I want an above normal marriage.

  • One where we love each other and talk.
  • One where we enjoy being together.
  • We are best friends.
  • We praise and lift each other up.
  • Together we create something more from our lives that we could have ever enjoyed or created alone.

I dare you to refuse to accept a “normal” marriage.  Listen, no one gets married to a boring person not having fun, but most people wind up there.  If you refuse to accept normal and then pursue an extraordinary relationship, you just might end up with it.